“What it lacks in humanity, modern medicine makes up for in drama.” — Anon.
What were you doing a week ago? Do you even remember? I was having a panic at work, trying to get things done for ridiculous deadlines because they were “critical.” Thursday evening my wife TC said she thought she had bronchitis. Friday we went to the doctor. Sunday morning I called 911. That night I was looking at CT scans of my wife’s lungs while a surgeon told me she was lucky to be alive.
And suddenly “critical” took on a whole new meaning.
A narrow brush with death – your’s or someone you care about – does that. It makes you think, makes you evaluate what’s really critical and what’s just self-inflated ego. Not that the other things aren’t important, they just aren’t critical. My wife and her health are critical to me; I’d just forgotten how critical and how fragile they really are. Two large blood clots in the arteries of her lungs along with numerous smaller ones plus two large clots in her left leg set me straight.
She’s more than lucky to be alive! And I’ve never been so scared in my life.
If you’ve never been around an ICU, they can be a bit intimidating. If your loved one is in there, they can be overwhelming. And ICU makes you ask all the hard questions in life. Things like “What will I do if she doesn’t make it?” or “How do I tell the kids what’s happening?” or “Have I showed her lately how much I love her?” It’s a real Moment of Truth and – unlike that idiot TV show – this one doesn’t have a $500,000 “prize” for answering all the questions correctly! If you are lucky, you can live with yourself after it’s all over.
They have moved her from ICU to the Cardiac Care Unit. She sleeps a lot but that’s ok. I can just sit and watch her sleep and listen to her breathe.
She’s critical to me.
I’ve loved music since I was a kid. Music is cathartic (yeah, it’s my word-of-the-day). It’s the number two trigger for memories. (Smell is number one. Go figure…) This song by Aerosmith, from the movie Armageddon, kind of sums things up nicely.
If you have a few moments and feel inclined, we would appreciate your prayers.
I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing (Aerosmith)
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you’re far away and dreaming.
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender.
I could stay lost in this moment, forever.
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure!
I don’t want to close my eyes, I don’t want to fall asleep,
’cause I’d miss you, baby, and I don’t want to miss a thing!
’cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do!
I’d still miss you, baby, and I don’t want to miss a thing!
Lying close to you feeling your heart beating.
And I’m wondering what you are dreaming.
Wondering if it’s me you are seeing.
Then I kiss your eyes and thank god we’re together!
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever, forever and ever!
And I don’t want to miss one smile.
And I don’t want to miss one kiss.
I just want to be with you, right here with you.
Just like this. I just want to hold you close.
I feel your heart so close to mine.
And just stay here in this moment,
For all the rest of time!